Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Back When I Knew Everything

The backpacks are full, the pencils are sharpened, the notebooks are still neat and tidy.
The smell of fresh boxes of crayons is in the air. OH, how I love the beginning of the school year!
So much possibility and potential! Whatever, happened last year is gone and you get to start over. Every year I was in school, I made the Aug. vow that this would be the year I got all A's.
By, Sept.1 that dream was usually gone.

Today, I had the fun of watching one of my boys on the playground. I love to do that when they don't know I'm there!
I remember when I first found out we were having a boy and the day he was born. All the dreams we had for him. And there were LOTS of them. Because, that was back when I knew everything.
Seems like you know so much about kids and parenting before God actually entrusts you with the little people.

And then reality hits.

My big boy has been through much in his short life. Some major, some with the potential of being major and then God steps in and shows once again that He and He alone is in charge.
Big boy is a gifted kid; smart, fun, extremely deep thinker, loves technology, loves to laugh, LOVES Jesus.
But, as I was secretly watching him, I found my mind wondering, wishing his road didn't have to be so hard. Wishing he was a bit different in some areas, just so his life would be a bit easier.
Big boy is the kid who will be president of the Debate and Math club. I, who struggled in school (I was all about the fun part of school-learning was a distant second for me-shocking I know!) sometimes doesn't know what to do with that or how to relate. So, sometimes I wish things , ok he was different. He is ridiculously smart and sometimes that makes life harder not easier.

But, as I walked home a thought struck me like a lighting bolt. Never once, has the Lord tried to change who I am at the core. Yes, there are things-lots of things-He has changed, is trying to change. Sinful things, but not who I am. That's who he created in His image. This crazy, flighty, chubby girl. He loves and adores just the way she is.
The thought made me laugh and cry at the same time.
My boy, my beautiful boy, who I love so dearly, Lord, let me let him be the kid you created him to be, help me learn to not just love, but appreciate, the things that make him uniquely him, just like you do in me!
Thank you, Jesus for being the ultimate loving parent and for loving me even when I thought I knew everything.


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