Tuesday, May 28, 2013


Last week I took our oldest to apply for his learners permit, by the time we got there at 11 am they said the line was already to long and the computer would no longer allow people to register to get into the line.

Needless to say, I had a disappointed boy.

I pretended like I was too.

Then yesterday he left on a camping/canoeing trip with his best buddies.  So fun to watch them together.
They've been friends since kindergarten, and these are the kind of boys you pray your kiddo will have as friends some day.

This morning is dawned on me that next year is my high school 25 th reunion.


What do all these things have to do with each other?
Probably not much to most normal minds, but the way mine works it was like a movie being  played out on the big screen.
These rites of passage for my son, got me to remembering some of my own.
Giving thanks for his friends and remembering my Dear Ones who've been by my side since grade school.
A 25th reunion looming, that if I squint hard enough in my minds eyes seems like yesterday we were marching down the aisle making plans and dreaming dreams.

In the midst of all that remembering and being so very grateful, I noticed small waves of 'how could you's' popping up.

Suddenly, even though I sometimes have trouble remembering what I had for dinner the night before, every wrong thing, every hurt I caused when I was younger was suddenly right in front of me.

I felt embarrassed, shamed, humiliated all over again.
In fact I could even feel the warmth of a face flushed with embarrassment spread across cheeks over something that happened over 20 years ago.

I really don't think I'm the only one this happens too.

And in a flash of a moment those small waves become large ones until the undercurrent pulls you down and you feel yourself drowning.

I think shame and humiliation are some of Satan's favorite weapons of choice.
Especially with "good Christian girls".

So, what is a girl to do? Wallow in a past she can't change?
Dwell on regrets and " I should have's"?


She confronts her accuser boldly, out loud if necessary.

She claims the promise of God himself that he alone has cast her sin to the depth of the ocean, spread as far as the East from the West and has chosen to remember it no more.

She looks at where the wounds once were and now sees the scars.
Scars are a good thing-they mean healing has come there.

I will not be pulled under by the waves today.

I will swim in the sea of forgiveness and mercy and cherish the very thought that only a
Grace filled God could use a crazy, mixed up, feeble girl like me.

Blessings and Happy Swimming,

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Summer Word 2013

Every summer our family picks a word and a verse to focus on for the summer.

In years past we've picked: Blessing, kindness, respect.

So, for the past couple of months we've been tossing around suggestions about what our word should be, when it hit us . . .

I wish I could remember our conversation, but I can't.  Our oldest was riding up front with me and we
were talking about something going on in the world and some things in our church, when our word seemed to fall from heaven right into our laps.

I know you're on the edge of your seat wondering what it could possible be, so without further ado,



Our verse is Ephesians 6:7 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people,

What does that look like in family with kids an age span of not quite 8 years?

Different. Yep, it'll look different for each one of us.

Cam has some projects lined up.
Jude has come up with some great ideas about serving in some local ways and Belle will serve by helping make cookies for us to pass out to the neighbors.

As a family though we'll be helping out a local mission and we've already began gathering things for Oklahoma, and looking for ways to help our elderly neighbor and here is the BIG ONE. . .

Look for ways we can serve EACH OTHER.

Yes, brother serving brother and sister, sister serving brothers, mom and dad serving kids, kids serving parents.

If we can't do it in our home, does it matter how much we do it outside where others can see?

So, that's our summer in one big giant nutshell.

What about you? Do you pick a summer word for you and your kiddos?
If you do, I'd love to hear what it is!

Saturday, May 18, 2013

The Easy Way Out part 2

 Yesterday I wrote about how someone on my Facebook feed had posted that they should have 'taken the easy way out and been a stay at home mom' but they were too independent so they did the hard work and remained single and true to themselves.



{really. . .the easy way out? anyone who's been married more than 5 minutes knows there's nothing easy about it}

But least anyone think my post yesterday  was bashing 'working' moms (which is such a stupid phrase, being a mom automatically means you work, but when I say that you all know what I mean-right?)
let me be very clear-NOT MY INTENTION IN THE VERY LEAST!

I work (for pay) part time at the kiddos school, plus I also am building this ministry, plus working on the women's ministry team at my church pretty much adds up to full time work.

Some of the women I admire most in this world are 'working' moms.

My own dear mother, my aunt-her sister, my grandmother-their mother. . .all 'working' mothers.

A dear lady who was like a second mom to me growing up worked in the same office as my mom.

Beth Moore, Pricilla Shirer Bible teachers who've changed my life. . .'working' moms.

Close friends. . 'working' moms.
My kids  amazing teachers, everyone of them a 'working' mom.

I want you to know I applaud the work you do both for  the industries  who pay you and for your families that take it for granted.
Torn in different directions, never feeling like there is enough of you to go around.
The pressure of trying to make your boss happy and meeting everyone's needs in your family.
The sense that time is slipping away and with it your children.
The cold stare from the 'Room Mom' at your kids school who doesn't understand why you can never help at a field trip.
Up before dawn, in bed long after you should have been just so Suzy would have a costume for the school function you'll have to miss.

Thank you for all you do.
You make the world a better place.

My prayer for you today; a boss, who on Monday is gentle with his requests, a weekend to enjoy with your family, a nap on Sunday and a husband who folds a load of laundry.

Let's face it, when you have children, there is no 'easy way out'.
The guilt of leaving your baby at daycare. The guilt of staying at home and not using your college degree.

The push and pull of motherhood is very real and never ending.
Perhaps because of how we judge each other, and mostly because of how we judge ourselves.

So, let's be gentle with each other. . .after all there really is no easy way out is there?

Blessings and hugs for every unsung hero Momma today,

Friday, May 17, 2013

The Easy Way Out

  Recently on my Facebook page someone was lamenting on how she should have taken the 'easy way

 out' and become a stay at home mom instead of a the single working girl that she is. She went on to

talk about that she just couldn't have done it because she's to independent.


So, instead of ranting and raving at her. . .although seriously I challenge anyone who THINKS it's easy

to ONE week. . .I thought maybe some momma out there might need some encouragement.

You know that mom that's been up all night with a sick baby; worried, exhausted, dark circles frame

her eyes and she's forgotten to eat her last two meals, but is on her third Diet Coke just so she can


Or that Mom who is making her grocery list trying to come up with healthy, satisfying meals but

needing to stretch that grocery dollar as far as she can.  She can't remember the last time she

had a shopping trip just for her, got her nails done and ate at a restaurant with cloth napkins and

not a cartoon character in sight.

How about that mom who cleaning a bathroom right now and then going to fold twenty pounds of

laundry. . . she'd really like to talk to another grown up but her toddler is hanging on her leg and by

his nap time she'll be to exhausted to form grown up words.

The mom that was up all night making 'helping' with a project that is due tomorrow.

The mom who can't remember what it's like going to the bathroom alone, finishing a meal at the

same time as everyone else because she's been making sure everyone else's needs are met.

Yes, sometimes she may sit down in the afternoon at close her eyes for 15 minutes or perhaps

watch some silly reality TV show, but that's because her work day doesn't end after 8 hours and a lunch


So, for you Sweet Stay At Home Mom who's wondering if she'll get a shower today, Thank You.

Thank You for loving when it's hard and inconvenient, for shaping the next generation, for making the tough choice to do without so your family can have all of you.

The world might not appreciate all you do and may never understand that you, in fact, took the harder

road instead of the 'easy way out', but I'm sending you hugs and prayers today.

Know that what you do matters, even when it feels like it doesn't and that no one knows just how hard

you really work-your Heavenly Father sees and He is so proud of you!

My prayer for you today, nap time for the kiddos, everyone likes their dinner and a long hot shower for you and a husband who acknowledges just how much easier you've made his life. . .and one bathroom break ALL by yourself.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day

Mother's Day

A day when Hallmark can't keep the cards in stock, Moms across the country are being pampered and loved on. A good day. A great day.

Little tiny hands holding flowers, or growing kiddos who are realizing just what being 'their' moms means.

I've already been spoiled this morning and will continue to be throughout  the day.

I am blessed. This is my 15th Mother's Day (Hubby started celebrating the year I was preggo)



Yet, I remember clearly CLEARLY the pain of sitting in church during Mother's Day as flowers were passed out and Mother's were honored.

One year, I couldn't take it anymore and practically ran to the lobby where I couldn't hide my pain any longer and began to bawl my eyes out.

Deep sobs from the core of me.

Six long years of infertility had lead me to that little emotional breakdown.

Mother's Day isn't always happy for a lot of women.
It can be a painful reminder of what is yet to come or what might have been.

In just a couple of hours I'll be celebrating with my precious Momma.
She's one amazing lady.

She challenges and inspires me daily.

But, I know so many who will be celebrating Mother's Day for the first time without their moms.

The joy  and pain in remembering.

Oh this life can be a hard place sometimes.

So, perhaps while you're out today either at church or brunch or wherever you're celebrating, pause and say a prayer for those who this day is bittersweet.

And if you're one of those for which this day holds pain, please know that I'm praying for you today.

You are loved,

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I get by with a little help from my friends

I received many lovely comments on my Facebook page about the post Going Dark.

They were all so sweet and thoughtful.

A few friends called (Yes, I'm fine-doing very well actually! Thank you so much for asking)

Really, this life wasn't meant to be lived out alone.

There is this inherent need in each of us for another person.

I'm so blessed by the great ones in my life!

You know, this blog began when I wrote something about my adventure in a grocery store.

The idea of it is that although I've seen God at work in some mighty and miraculous ways in my life, He also began showing me that He's at work even in the aisle of the grocery store.

(Cue theme music)

( I don't really have any, but wouldn't it have been cool if I did??)

So, with that premise in mind, let me tell you a little something I observed yesterday on a quick trip to Wal Mart.

Girls, foundational undergarments are our friend.

No matter your size or age they are our friend.

Do you hear me? Even if it's a  quick trip to Wal Mart do not leave the house with out the support of your friends!

The older we get and the more we've been through the more support from our friends we need.

A lesson learned in life and made drastically clear at Wal Mart.


( you needed a laugh right?)

Grace and Peace and lots of support,

Monday, May 6, 2013

Going Dark

Have you ever taken one of those personality test that chose one of four main types of temperaments

 then add secondary traits to mix and match your personality?

I've done several versions over the years and although different tests call them different names the results have always been the same.

Easy going, sociable, optimistic and people oriented are the usual words I get described with.

As I've had children some things have shifted, but mostly my personality has remained the same.  

Unlike other things I could mentioned that motherhood has 'shifted', if you know what I mean.
(Every mom just raised her hand)

But, I've been going through some medical things lately. Things that have been out of control for sometime, but I've been doctoring everyone else (and I'm a chicken) and I just haven't taken care of them. But, as the symptoms have gotten harder and harder to control, I finally caved and headed to  a specialist several weeks ago.

To sum it up, as I suspected things in my body had gotten completely out of whack and I've ended up on a couple of different high doses of medications to try and stabilize what's going on.

As, my body is trying to adjust, it hasn't been pretty. And in fact both medications say 'may cause major mood swings'. . .Well, for someone who doesn't like to take an aspirin, let's just say, that's putting it lightly.

After piling up and piling up, last week things started to crash in around me, and the typically happy-go-lucky girl I am, fell into a deep dark hole that seemed almost bottomless.

Something very difficult came  up in ministry, one of my kiddos had (has) pneumonia  then Friday one of them woke up with a stomach bug.
The sun has not been shining here in KC for days and well, I can honestly say I found myself feeling
some things I've never felt before, not even after I had my children.
With my first, I experienced a minor MINOR case of baby blues, but last week was something much more than that.

I hesitate to label it, for several reasons, but one is that I'm not a doctor and I certainly wouldn't want anyone thinking that what worked for me would work for them.
And let me say, emphatically, that if your doctor has put you on medication for depression or any other brain disorder-TAKE THE MEDS. 
It does not make you less Christian and less healthy. Take the meds.

As the week wore on I was struggling with insomnia, and by Friday I felt barely able to function.

I knew enough to ask friends to pray.  I tried to pray but found it difficult to form the words. . .I just didn't know what to say, so I would just pray 'Help Me Lord'.

On Saturday the thought (I'm sure given from the Lord) occurred to me, "What would I tell someone else who was struggling?"

Well, I would tell them Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Then I would say, read it with your name inserted. . .

Do not fear, Angie, for I am right here with you.
Do not be dismayed, Angie, for I am YOUR God.
Angie, I will strengthen YOU and help YOU.
Angie, I am holding you up with the righteousness of my right hand.

I would tell them to read Psalm 139

Your God made you. He not only knows you, He understands you.
He sees you.

I would tell them look at Psalm 91

You love the Lord? Yes.
Then He has promised to protect you, to cover you to be your shield.
To deliver you.

Then I would say read Philippians 4:6-7

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

On Sunday I took those last two verses and just repeated them over and over. . .
And you  know what? There is a peace that transcends all understanding.

Nothing externally has really changed here today, yet I am feeling much more like myself than I have in days. The only that has changed is my focus when I feel the darkness creeping in.

Maybe my glimmer into a world that is all too troubling for many people, especially women doesn't seem like much to you. But, to this typically, hopeful, happy girl it was eye opening.

I am no expert, I hold no medical degrees, but I do know this-Even in your deepest darkest pit when you've struggled against it all you can, but feel yourself falling into the darkness anyway, I know it feels like you're alone, but HOLD ON. 

He -Jesus Christ, Emmanuel -God with us, is there.

He's made us a promise. He said He'd never leave us or forsake us.
When you've got nothing else to hold on to, hold on to that.

The sun will shine again, the darkness will fade to light.
You are not alone.

Praying for you today,