Monday, June 2, 2014

Poolside Chats and Pinching Fat

It's hard to believe that I wrote this almost 4 years ago. Time flies and all that. . .

I was reminded of that post as I sat at the pool with my kiddos the other day and I was people watching.

There were some teenage girls who were trying to catch my oldest son's eye and he was OBLIVIOUS     - I mean, 'not I don't want my mom to see I'm noticing these girls', I mean OBLIVIOUS.

He was goofing around with his brother and some friends and just didn't notice.

Turns out those girls seats weren't far from mine and I could hear their conversation. (not that I was trying to, but you know three 15 year old girls can be a wee bit hard NOT to hear)

The conversation that followed broke my heart. Talk about bodies tinged with shame, and worth as a person tied to the size of their bathing suit, and trying harder and doing more and then maybe, maybe the 'right' boy would notice.

Let me say that these were precious girls, just adorable.

But, because ONE boy didn't notice them at the pool, they were talking and pinching NON existent fat on their bellies.

Oh, how I wanted to go hug them. (I didn't because you know, crazy stranger lady hugging at the pool, probably not the best idea.)

How we must instill in our girls that our value as women is not getting a boys attention.
It is not how we look in a bikini.
It is not how we can build ourselves up by tearing down someone else.

Our Value- our worth is inherent in us.

Because we are here, because we were created we are valuable.

It's automatic.

You don't have to try harder, do more, become something or someone else.

You are enough.

Momma's we've got to stop trashing our bodies -especially in front of our kids.

No, nothing is the same as it was in our twenties and before the kids.

That does not define who you are.

Our kids-but especially our girls-our listening to us. No, not necessarily when we want them to, but they're listening when we're looking in the mirror and lamenting.
When we're trying on clothes or swimsuits and talking about how fat we are.
When we trash every part of our bodies.
Make no mistake-they are listening.
And soaking it all in.

We got to empower our girls so much, that some silly unobservant boy doesn't ruin their day.

Or worse yet, some boy who knows how to manipulate girls who's worth is seen through the eyes of their male peers, talks them into things they'll regret for years to come.

Empower them enough that food doesn't become a weapon to use against their bodies.
That the number on the tag of their clothes doesn't bring them pain-or power.

You're enough Sweet Momma and so is your precious girl-now tell her that. She may roll her eyes. She may try and contradict you. But, you say it. You say it over and over again.
Because every time you say it, a little part will begin to sink into her heart.

You are more than a number on scale, you are more than the size of your clothes!

We are all in this together-much love


Texan In Kansas said...

Okay, so I'm not a momma... but I'm the daddy of three amazing girls and the husband of one gorgeous wife, so I get to comment. :-)

Everyone in my family, and I do mean EVERYONE, has struggled with/is struggling with/will struggle with weight, size, and body image-- present company included. I wish I could help others understand the same things I'm learning: We are not DEFINED by size, weight, or shape any more than we are defined by our favorite color (mine is purple) or ice cream flavor (changes from day to day!).

Sadly, however, we live in a society where it matters to others... and that cannot help but have an effect on us. When I started losing weight, people started treating me differently, and there were days it made me angry-- even when the "treatment" was kinder or with more respect that it would have been before. Whether emotionally, mentally, socially or professionally we are often judged and valued by these measures. It's so sad.

Like you, I'm teaching my kids (as I am learning myself!) to be the person God has made me to be, growing every day into the image and reflection of Jesus, who loves me, just the way I am.

Angie said...

Thanks my Texas transplant friend!
I heard someone commenting to you once about your weight loss and you said something along the lines of 'as soon as it's stops being about me and about Jesus when they're talking I'll be happy'. . .a year later and I still remember that. You shine for Jesus from the inside out and so do your beautiful girls-who are the EXACT perfect size for them.
Love to you and your girls-all four of them :)

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