Magnifying Glass

Since turning the BIG 40 this past summer, I've taken to using the magnifying side of my make up mirror.

Which is slightly ironic, since I'm blind as a bat without my glasses and could've been using since I first discovered green frosted eye shadow in 1985.

But, this past week while flipping my mirror over-because who doesn't need to see crows feet up close and personal- I couldn't get these verses out my head:

Psalm 34:1-3

I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
² My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
³ Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.




Magnify - to cause to be held in greater esteem or respect (taken from Merriam-Websters)

It got me to thinking. Am I causing the name of the Lord to be held in greater esteem or am I causing others (my children included) to want to run the other way from the Lord?

I Hate Her

I've known her-or at least about her for a long time.

In my early 20's I sat in a conference and heard her tales of perfection.

I'd grown resentful and had enough of this perfect women.

I'd heard these stories before, really  my whole life in fact-weekends in high school devoted to getting to know her- and I decided then and there, that although is was probably wrong-

 I hated her.

So, I tried to put her out of my mind.

Easier said than done.

In my circles she's everywhere and I just couldn't avoid her.

So, when she entered the room or conversation, I'd roll my eyes and try to laugh her off.
I did not enjoy the comparison between her and I and I just didn't want to hear it anymore.

Maybe you've meet her before, she goes by many names, but is most commonly referred to as the
Proverbs 31 woman.

It was in my 30's when I came to the startling conclusion that perhaps my resentment toward her was misplaced.
Perhaps I really resented the misrepresentation of her.

So, scary as it's been I've wadded back in to get to know her.

This image of a meek and speak only when spoken to woman- is so misguided.
Or, that she never left her home to work.

She is strong, confidant  and industrious -in her home and outside.
She is well spoken and kind.
She is well dressed (I always had the image of no make up and denim skirt to her knees)
She makes business decisions.
She's creative.
She laughs.

Maybe you've grown to hate her too-or the picture of her that can be falsely presented or falsely assumed.

In my own life, I've found that once I let go of the resentment and read the Word with fresh eyes and open heart, I could see myself-or a picture of where I could see myself fitting in.

Remember, you are the woman God created. Your talents. Your voice. Your drive and spirit.
He created those unique to you gifts for a reason.
He wants you and me, to use those gifts to glorify Him.
Not to discard them to fit into some ill perceived mold.

So, if you were wondering, No I don't hate her anymore.

Wrong Mom

We received our girls diagnosis this week.

After hanging up the phone, I sat on the edge of my bed and whispered,

"You gave my kids the wrong mom."


Tears streamed down my face.

 I felt like such a loser.

Incompetent.

Useless.

I could immediately think of 10 other women who would be a much better mom to
my children.

I heard the voice of the enemy whisper in my ear over and over all my shortcomings.
Or at least what I perceive as short comings when I compare myself to others.

Comparison will only lead to discontent and doubt.

As any mom will tell you, there is only so long you can sit on the edge of the bed and have a pity party-whether it's for you or your kids.

Life moves on and unless you want to get run over you'd better move on too.

So, I wiped away my tears and got on with the day.

But, condemning whispers and doubts nagged me all day, and the overwhelming thought
that another Mom could take such better care of my kids and their constant health needs.

As I am prone to do, I mulled these things over and over in my head.

No doubt, Mary the mother of Jesus, had to have felt those feelings sometime during his 33 years here on earth.
"Are you SURE you gave him to the right woman?  I think I am the wrong mom for him."

Never once have I heard the Lord whisper those accusations at me.

Just the enemy.

Do you ever feel like your kids have the wrong mom? Like, perhaps if they had a different mom their lives would somehow be perfect?

My guess is  yes.  Because their is nothing more the enemy likes than to whisper lie after lie into our ears until we believe them more than the Truth.

So, you and I have a choice. Do we believe the lies or do we believe the one who has kept ever promise since time began?

Do we trust that He knows exactly who our  children need-and we're it?

Do we trust that even when we have no answers or any idea of what to do, He does? Our only job is to follow.

That He has a plan and purpose for our lives and our children's -and part of that is He gave them EXACTLY the right mom?

So, yes your screaming toddler needs YOU.
Or your moody teenager.
Or your sick little one.
And the kid with every learning difficulty there seems to be.

As, helpless and under qualified as we might feel, we are their exact right mom.

Because, in our weakness He is made strong.

Side by side on this journey with you,
Angie

Spilled

When I got the call from my Mom this morning that my girl was sick, my first emotion was anger and unbelief.

She had been vomiting since New Years Day, and after our third trip into the Doctor's office  this week, it really seemed that by Thursday/Friday she was back to her usual happy self.

Then the phone rang. And once again back to square one.

By the time we got to the doctors office I was no longer angry, I was numb.

They decided to send us for (more) testing at our local children's hospital.
Scary words were thrown around.

On the ten minute drive from the office to the hospital emotion swept over me.

My girl could barely hold her head up. She looked absolutely miserable.

Fear began to grip my heart.

My mind racing to all the horrible things that could be wrong.

That's when I saw it.

A nice travel coffee mug in the middle of the road, coffee spilled out everywhere.
Apparently, just filled at the convince store it was across from, then left on top of the car, the driving forgetting about it and driving off, leaving it in the middle of the street spilling out everywhere.

Silent tears began pouring down my face.

In my mind I prayed-SHOUTED- I FEEL JUST LIKE THAT CUP, FORGOTTEN AND SPILLING OUT EVERYWHERE!! GOD CAN YOU SEE MY GIRL?? PLEASE STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING!!

I said more, stopped my silent shouting at God and just poured out every thought, worry and  concern.
I was safe with Him-even when I shouted.

Before we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, that inaudible, still voice spoke to me.
I felt the peace of the Holy Spirit sweep over my heart.

I've got her, I heard Him say.
I see you both there.
I didn't forget you.
And even though you may feel like your spilling out everywhere, you know I can feel you back up.


Yes, Yes, I know that. We've (God and I and my girl) have been here before.
He's never forgotten us.
And I am reminded once again how He watched His child suffer. Not just that one day on the cross, but for 33 years saw Him misunderstood, mistreated and scorned.

He knows my pain at watching my baby suffer.
He never promised ease. But He did promise peace.
And that's where my heart lays now-surrounded in peace at no matter what comes next.

Perhaps you feel spilled out all over the road today too.
Pour it all out to God. He sees you. He knows.

He'll fill you back up.

He'll fill us all back up, if we'll let Him.

I wanna be Right

Words my darling Girl said to me while we were playing a rousing game of Go Fish.

"This card Mamma?  I wanna be right!"

Oh my, how that struck a cord with me.

For years I was a "Right Fighter".  As in, I am right and I'm going to fight until the end to prove my point.

No matter if the other person (namely The Hubs) had walked away from the discussion or not-I was right and he needed to know that. . .btw, No. No he didn't.

But, what Precious Girl was struggling with was that desire to not make a mistake in front of others.
She wanted to fit in and not have others know she needed help or might not know exactly know how to play.

My word, Pride can take on all sorts of forms and seep into our lives in all sorts of ways.

And when it does, and we become so consumed with how we look in front of others we put these masks on and no one can see who we really are and when they can't see who we really are, they can't really see all the gifts we've been given to share with the world.

And make no mistake-You do have something the rest of the world needs.  Even if it's not perfect, even if it's wrapped in a package you'd rather hide or change-you've got something to share.

So, instead of right I want to be real.

A real woman who doesn't have all the answers, but knows the ONE who does and desperately seeks after Him.  More desperate for HIM, than the need to appear 'right'.

Right or Real-which do you want to be?