Tuesday, August 8, 2017

You Make It Look So Easy

You make it look so easy. . .words said to me on "Graduation Sunday" this past May at our church.

My friend was encouraging me, but I felt like such a fraud when she said it.

It wasn't/isn't easy.

The exact week before that Sunday my Dear Husband was in the hospital recovering from a heart attack and subsequent stint placement.  Healthy, active, non smoking 48 year olds aren't supposed to have heart attacks.  In true Wilkinson fashion we proved that not to be true.

A week later, he was home, we were at a graduation banquet for our oldest.  Then that Sunday standing in front of the congregation as Cam and his fellow classmates were honored.

We had moved into our new home the week before as well. . .in fact, the day before the heart attack.

Chaos would best describe how we were functioning.

We hadn't realized that we were supposed to leave our washer and dryer at our old house, so that very Sunday morning as we were heading out the door to get to church, the movers showed up.
Our graduate was also a nervous wreck and was spending entirely to much time getting his hair 'just so'.

Hubby set out to church with our two youngest, while the graduate and I followed.
I'm pretty sure I screeched into the parking lot on two wheels.

We hopped out and are running across the parking  lot, when my shoe slipped off. . .like a good soldier I yelled "just go on without me". . . of course, they all waited for me.

We slipped into the pew next to our dear friends during the second song, when I whispered to her 'did we miss it'. . .no, she replied you're good.

We took a couple deep breaths to calm down and settle in, and tried to pass that along to our graduate who at his core, doesn't like to be in front of crowds, doesn't do well in chaos and almost lost his dad the week before.
We made it through the service, even though unbeknownst to me the heart patient had to lean against the stage to hold himself up.

At the end of the ceremony, my friend leaned down to me and said those words that have haunted me these past few months, "you make it look so easy".

These last three months have been anything but easy.
If I listed everything here that has gone wrong or been difficult, you wouldn't believe me.

In some ways it's almost comical.  Seriously, if it can wrong, more than likely in these past three months it has.  Including this morning, when for the 3rd time in 2 weeks our  power went out.

I would be a total and complete fraud though if I said it's been easy.

There hasn't been one easy thing about it.

There have however been blessings along the way.

Friends who've walked beside us and stepped up and helped us. Watching our sweet boy walk across the stage and get his diploma.
A family vacation that was so special and meaningful to the five of us.
Baseball games. Long walks, Long talks. Road trips with friends. Exploring our favorite places in the city.

Blessings in the chaos for sure and for certain. Knowing God was/is right here with us. . .gives us the strength to endure, but do not for a minute think it's been easy.

Why do I want you to know that? Because, I think, sometimes as Jesus Followers we screw our halo on so tight and grin our way through the pain-as if it doesn't hurt at all; we throw around Scripture and quote it out of context or to apply as bandaids to gaping wounds. . . it can make others going through their own valley either shrug us off as frauds or leave them feeling like losers because they are having a hard time coping.

{ Please don't miss understand. . .Scripture is an extreme comfort. . but saying "All things work together for good" to someone in a pit of despair isn't always the most helpful or edifying thing you can do}

So, if I've made it look easy, I'm sorry.
The reality is, I'm tired and weary and worn. I'm certain I've aged 5 years in the past 3 months.
There's been nothing easy about it.

But, I will also tell you that Jesus is very very near. Even when I'm mean as a hornet or desperate as a Housewife.  He's never left. When I've kicked and screamed like a toddler who's missed nap time, He's never let go. And He will never let go of you either.

Life is hard. And Oh so short. There's not one easy thing about it.

It may not be easy, and my strength is pretty much gone. 

Jesus though. . .He is easy. He is trustworthy. He is strong so I don't have to be. He is faithful when
mine is fraying.

Wherever  you are and whatever valley you're walking through, trust Him-He's right there with you.

He is what makes walking through it look easy-even when it's the hardest thing you've done.


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