Fixer Upper

My poor little neglected blog. Thought I might have to blow the cobwebs off my little corner of the interwebs to find it.

Frankly, for a while now I've thought about deleting it and my facebook page that goes with it, because I just wasn't sure I had anything to say anymore.

I cannot recount all the reasons why the past couple of years have been difficult, if you don't know

feel free to scroll through and read some posts about the 'whys'. If you've been following our story,

know for everything you know there's probably 10 other situations you don't.

It's just been allot. Fear, exhaustion, doubt, distrust all left me thinking I no longer had anything to

say.

But, the past few months (and don't get me wrong they haven't been easier) I have felt the 'old' me

beginning to come back to life. A spark here or there, left me thinking 'Oh I've got some words about ________'.

But, then I still couldn't get the words out from my brain to my fingers and keyboard.

This past January I couldn't even come up with a word to focus on for the year.

Even though for years now I've done so, the task of picking and praying about a word to focus on for

the year just seemed to daunting.   My only thought/prayer  for 2019 was 'please be kind to us'.

But then God.

Most of the moments in my life worth the retelling can begin with those three words.

But then God.

The word Restore keeps coming up over and over again.

I opened a home (for now ;) ) bakery in November out of need for our family to pay some of my

husbands medical bills.  I have been baking since I was a kid and as a teenager was always making

something for some event or friend. But, life had marched on and I just got out of the habit

and forgot my love and enjoyment of creating something in the kitchen that brought people

joy. (Seriously, who's ever mad to receive a pie or cake or cookies??)  But, out of this great need

for my family, the joy of something I loved was restored to me.

What a gift.

On top of this great gift, a friendship I NEVER thought could be repaired much less restored, God

has brought healing too. . .and not even just healing, although that would have been more than

enough - He added the gift of laughter and true friendship.

After 28 years, he restored that relationship. Of all the miracles in my life I didn't see coming, that

one ranks right up there at the top of the list.  And how the healing and restoration came about is

to long to tell here, but God used my dear son and a need he had in his life to bring it about and

that will never not make me smile and shake my head at the wonder of God's ways and timing.


Two years ago I stepped down from formal ministry at my church, in doing so many of my speaking

opportunities dried up as well. I was confused about why God was moving in this way. . .Women's

Ministry is my passion . . .I just couldn't wrap my head around why He would take that from me.

Of course self doubt reared it's ugly head-it's because I'm not good enough, no one wants to hear

what you have to say, there are so many other more qualified people out there. . .the list goes on

and on. (I'm sure you have your own list. . .Satan loves a list and uses us to write it and read it

over and over to ourselves.)

Once again, but then God.  Slowly, but surely he is restoring and frankly recreating my ministry

as well. Showing me how much of  'ministry' happens outside of the church walls.  He keeps

bringing opportunities and situations to me that leave me looking around wondering 'is this really

happening'?!?! And guess what, often in the aisle of the grocery store. Of course.

In fact one night -and trust me when I tell you that you wouldn't believe me if I told you what

happened. . .I just laughed out loud as I left the store, just praising Him along the way saying over

and over again OF COURSE YOU BROUGHT ME BACK TO AISLE 12!!

There have been other things too during this time, things I'm still processing. How I can keep

being amazed by them is only a testament to God's complete and total grace.  There isn't one thing

in my life that makes me deserving of any of it-but yet over and over again He's so good to this crazy

girl.

Are things perfect now and suddenly we have no health worries or medical bills?  No.  They never

will be this side of heaven.

But, just like all the trees and spring flowers, I can feel myself waking up again from a long cold

nap.  Slowly, He is restoring my heart and the places in my life that I never thought could or would

be. . .some I didn't even know needed to be.


One of my favorite things to watch is HGTV especially Fixer Upper, and I'm reminded as they restore

those old houses that it takes time, that they often uncover things they never knew were a problem.

That's where I'm living right now.  Right in the middle of my own fixer upper with the Carpenter

restoring me.