What a Difference a Year Makes

January 7, 2015 I found myself sitting my endocrinologist office for my bi-yearly check up.

I don't know what I was expecting, but what I heard shook me to my core.

I tipped the scales at a little over 300 pounds.

I was embarrassed, angry, shamed.  All I wanted to do was hide.

She'd never given me a lecture before, but I got one that day.

I either needed to lose weight or pursue weight loss surgery.

Something had to change.

New Years Eve 2015
There are no full body pictures, because I wouldn't have posed

I was the speaker at an event for single moms in October of 2014
I am at my heaviest here.
And completely loved.
No one in my life ever made me feel anything other than beautiful.

I was having heart palpitations, my blood pressure was beginning to skyrocket,  my knees where painful to the point where I was facing surgery on one.  I was exhausted ALL THE TIME.

But, I was also loved and cared for and often the funniest one in the room -even when I didn't want to be.

God was growing my ministry and sphere of influence, but in the middle of the night when I was still and being completely honest, I was so miserable and embarrassed -for myself and for husband and kids (Who let me be VERY CLEAR have never NOT ONCE said one thing to me about my size).

Well, I left her office and cried.

And cried some more.

Didn't she know I couldn't do it?

I'd been heavy most of my life, I have Thyroid Disease -which makes everything harder, I'm over 40-everyone knows it's to hard for women over 40 to lose weight.  

So, I cried some more.

I looked into the surgery.  (I should tell you, I've  had some scary reactions,  life treating reactions  to anesthesia.) And came to the conclusion that it wasn't an option.

So, on January 8, 2015 I basically threw my hands in the air and said 'FINE'.

My goal that this point was to prove I COULDN'T do it.

Then the first 25 pounds came off, then 50 . . .

In July, I was back in the Dr office.

This time she's the one who got all teary.  She talked about how she often has to tell people the hard things and they get mad at her or don't listen.  She thanked me. I cried and thanked her.

Along this journey, I've come face to face with the sin of gluttony in my life.

I confessed this sin to God and my Dear Husband.

A year into this journey, I've learned many lessons.  Some of them painful.

Things like, not everyone wants you to change.

People get mad or hurt or offended.

I've been told I talk about my journey, on social media, to much and not enough.

I've been told I'm an inspiration and that I've hurt feelings by tackling my weight.

One year later, I can say I've learned much about myself, my God and my friends and those who

became detractors.   

I'm also down 121 pounds and 8 ounces.  I'm at a BMI of 31 (with the goal of 25)-in July it was 37- I don 't know what it was when I began because I could never look at those numbers.

When I began I was wearing a 24/26 or 3x/4x.

I'm now wearing a 12/14 on top and 14 on bottom or a Large.

When I was back in the Dr office this week  my blood pressure was 118/70 and my pulse was 60.

I no longer experience heart palpitations and have NO knee pain whatsoever.

The Dr didn't tear up this time, she cheered my on to finish this race well.  

I have 30 more pounds to to get to my goal.

I will do it.

Not because I've got it all together now or have all the answers but because God has brought me to far now for me to quit.

I can keep up with my kids.  I'm physically so much stronger.  I'm happier.

I actually feel good.

(and for a girl who loves fashion the shopping has been fun-just keeping it real)

Here I am exactly one year later.

I saved one pair of jeans so I will never forget.

Also, excuse my puppy in the background.

I love my shirt in these pictures. It also makes me chuckle, because in the beginning I did not believe I could.  I set out to prove I couldn't and yet, by God's Amazing Grace, here I am, almost half the girl I used to be.

To every person who's prayed for me, loved me, supported me and cheered me on--

Thank you.  You'll just never know.  I wish I could tell you, but I don't have enough words to tell you how much it has meant to me.

What difference does a day make? A  year?  Well, it can make all the difference in the world.

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:13-14 (ESV)

Grace and Peace Along the Journey,