How Do You Do That?

That's what  the concierge at the resort we stayed at this weekend asked my husband  when J told him

we were celebrating our Twenty First anniversary.


"How do you do that? Stay married that long!"

My Dear J's response was sweet if untrue, "My wife makes it easy".

(Seriously so sweet and really not true)

I'm a wee bit emotionally high maintenance.


As we spent time enjoying each others company and the ability to finish our sentences with the interruption of our three beautiful miracles (thank you Mimi and Poppie) we reflected on where we've been and were we'd like to go.

Let me be first to say, we don't have some idealistic marriage.

We have three kids with health issues and a beagle.
We have an extended family probably much like yours.
We have bills and jobs that overwhelm us.
And personalities that are as different as night and day.

But, if you like the concierge are thinking the same thing-How do you stay married that long??

Here a few things we came up with this weekend.

1)Don't take yourselves to seriously. Try and find something to laugh about everyday.

2)Allow each other to change and grow. The fact is you're different at 40 than you were at 20 (at least I'd certainly hope so!) Don't freak out about that -it's a natural thing. Enjoy the beauty of watching each other change.

3)The best gift I ever gave J was when I stopped trying to be his Holy Spirit.
Seriously, Girls, stop it.  You're only hurting the both of you.

4) Forgiveness.
Learn it. Ask for it. Give it.

5) Grace.
Learn it. Ask for it. Give it.

6) Stop waiting for him/her to 'complete you'.  That's some stupid movie line that while sounds so lovely to our ears will make you miserable in the long run.  Another person can't and probably shouldn't 'complete' you.
You were created with that inner longing, but Christ is our completion.
Let your spouse off the hook for not doing a job they were never meant to have.

7) A good kiss goes a long way.
Seriously.

8) When you don't feel like you can stay and hold on one more day.  . .that's the time to hold on the strongest.
I find it hard to believe anyone who's been married for any length of time if they say that the thought of leaving has never even once entered their minds.
Life is hard and can wear you down and there is a real battle for our families, so those thoughts are real.
However, that's when you go back to numbers 4 and 5 and don't just talk about them but DO THEM.
Sometimes for a day, sometimes for a month.

9)When you need help, ask for it.
A good counselor can go a long way.

10) Pray
Pray for your spouse, with your spouse. Pray for your kids your family.
And after you pray, pray some more.


Listen we laugh, we cry, we fuss, we don't listen as much as we should, but we also make the choice everyday to stay, to love, to obey-when it's easy and when it's the hardest thing to do.

And that's not to say if your life took a turn you never saw coming that now God doesn't love you or can't use you.
Learn from you past, let God heal you and follow Him.


Now, Go kiss your Man and make his toes curl!

Blessings,